Finally Family First

Yesterday, I had to make a tough decision--one that I was incredibly emotional about, and one that, in the past, I would have never considered doing. Today, I realize how huge that decision was in my spiritual growth. It truly marked the end my old self.

After agonizing for weeks about this decision, yet still committing and acting on my old decision-making ways, yesterday I stopped and listened. I listened to the holy spirit and obeyed. I emailed three beautiful women canceling my commitment to attend a women's church retreat. . .

I am sorry to be writing this email, but I have had it on my heart for some time causing me anxiety. I know I am the one who first brought up the retreat, so I feel like I might be letting you all down. But, I realize that my heart is not in the retreat right now. I feel that my spiritual growth is happening right here at home. My priorities have changed drastically.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Luke 12:34

I pray that none of you feel this as a rejection, but rather that you see is at part of my growth. Leaving my family, even for a few days, at this point, does not feel right. Right now I need to simply be surrounded by them so that I can continue to be focused on my greatest mission…my family.

In the past I have put my marriage and children on the back burner and focused more on friendships. I realize that I needed my friends to fill in the gap because my priorities were misguided and based on worldly priorities. I am so sorry for leading you down that road, too. I need to cleanse myself so that I am not double-minded, and with that, draw nearer to God.

Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be miserable and mourn and weep; let your laughter be turned into mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you. James 4:7-10

That is not to say that I do not want friendships or that I don't want to be there for my dear friends. I do and I will. If any of you need me, I am just a phone call away. Please know that!!

At this point, the thought of returning to the way I was, where my focus was not entirely on my home, gives me great anxiety. My focus is becoming the woman God wants me to be. And, because it is so new, I need to remain where my heart is so that it will continue to be my treasure.

Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored. Titus 2:3-5

Yesterday marked a day I will not soon forget. It marked the day that I stopped, listened, and finally put my family first in all aspects of my life. Today, I am overflowing with joy and revelation.