Losing My Life to Save My Life

Yesterday after service, I went up to our Elder to say hello. He asked me how I was doing, and I responded that we were doing well. Then he corrected me and asked me again how I was doing. And, the fact is, I am tired, emotional, and lonely.

He knows so much of what has been going on in our life and has been praying for us. So, I just shared…it is hard right now. Even though our path is becoming more and more clear, it is a lonely and isolating path. On one hand I feel an incredible amount of love and support, but for the most part I feel so much judgement for our choice to truly follow Christ--reforming our life to reflect a biblical family with biblical roles.

Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? 2 Corinthians 6:14-15

Much of our past, both relationships and actions, must be changed. Even family relationships must be approached with caution. It is simply lonely and isolating at times--especially knowing there is judgmental talk about us behind our back. But, we are not here to please men, we are here to please Him.

And He was saying to them all, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it. For what is a man profited if he gains the whole world, and loses or forfeits himself? Luke 9:23-25

 Loses his life for My sake…yes, that is it.

That is how I feel…I have lost my life, and relationships have changed. I have had to let go of things that had become idols. Even though I am no longer who I was, there is this continual temptation to think like, do things like, or act like I did in the past. It is a vulnerable time--temptation to worry about how to make ends meet, temptation to be influenced by and have a desire for worldly things, temptation to wrong and worldly thinking which surrounds every aspect of our lives, and temptation for idols.

I miss people, things, even my past blindness.

Each day as I take up my cross, I know that our experiences, even this emotional, exhausting, and lonely time, are continuing to mold us and push us to rely on Him and Him alone. Our sole purpose is to honor our Creator and glorify Him in every aspect of our life. I truly pray that our life, journey, and testimony will inspire others to "lose their life" for our Lord in order to save their life.

Soli Deo Gloria,
Keira